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Föetal Demise
The free-wheelin’ band that started it all. How can one cram all that has passed into a can of history without fear of it exploding all over your pants and soaking your delicates? Is it possible? Can it be done? Will someone be able to summarize the dark nights, long days, and sweaty afternoons of so many suns and so many moons of too many years that have gone by? Let’s try.
Here’s some historial, biographical shit on the one and only Föetal Demise (F.d.) — the band that started it all for Purple Puke Music, by the way — during its early years.
East Flushing, New York
I know I’ve been mad,
like the most of us...
very hard to explain why you’re mad,
even if you’re not mad...”
Have you ever listened to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon? Well, you should. After having listened to it three or four hundred times maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to understand what I’m talking about. But there are no guarantees.
This biography was first started in January 1989, when they were just starting out. Since then, a lot has happened. Before we get into it, though, let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
What you are about to read is the history of the greatest band to ever set foot upon alternative inspirations for songs — Föetal Demise.
There was a great deal of sickness that preceded the actual conceiving of F.d. (as it is known amongst its fans). And Edward Jacob Riedl started it.
Ed got this tape, Speak English or Die by S.O.D. (which, incidentally, stands for Stormtroopers of Death), from this guy, Steve something or other. It was an eye-opening album for Ed, as well as those with whom he shared the tape — his friends at Manhattan’s Regis High School, which consisted of Ian Kremenic, Alberto Heredia, Steve Nardizzi, and a few other guys who don’t signify much in this story. The lot of them loved S.O.D. Wherever they went, they did a cappella renditions of the album’s songs, including “Hey Gordy!,” “Kill Yourself,” and “The Ballad of Jimi Hendrix.” These were a few of the Regis crew’s favourite S.O.D. tunes.
Ed then loaned the tape to his neighbor across the street, Chris Woods, who loved it just as much.
Toward the end of the crew’s high school careers and Chris’ freshman year in college (Chris was a year older than the others), the crew became bored with the S.O.D. sing-a-long thing. They wanted more. Coinciding with this development was Chris’ entry into the circle of Regis friends.
Being the creative fools the lot of them were (and, of course, continue to be), attempts were made to write their own songs, directly influenced by S.O.D. The first tune put forth was “Monokill.” Building on that foundation, “Doublekill” and “Triplekill” soon followed. Boy, were they on a roll!
Musically, the gang of aspiring songwriters was just as inept, er, experienced. They composed their songs with guitar solos, drum solos, bass solos, and the solo they were most proud of — courtesy of Ed: the Anal Penetration With a Philips Screwdriver Scream.
Then, one day — it might have been a Friday or a Saturday; no one’s sure — the demon-child essence of what they were about to become was born.
It came gushing out at the UA Quartet movie theater on Northern Boulevard in Flushing. Before the film began (for you archivists out there, it wasThe Serpent and the Rainbow), the usual “Dos and Don’ts” flashed across the screen (“Don’t Smoke,” “Do Dispose of All Trash,” etc.). But there was one message that struck — no, enflamed a nerve: “Screaming babies should be taken to the lobby.”
The group thought otherwise.
“Screaming babies should be mutilated.”
“Eaten.”
“Drawn and quartered.”
You get the idea.
Thus was the catalyst for the classic, defining F.d. song, “Baby Roasting”:
Baby roasting,
Make mine well done!”
The theme of infantile death and consumption was promptly built upon. Steve wrote “Baby Baking” (“Baby baking, baby baking, wait until it’s golden brown!”), and four other similar songs were written before the lineup of the group of aspiring musicians changed during the summer of 1988. Alberto and Steve left the group, went off to college, and were never heard from again (well, not really, but they were no longer interested in songwriting).
More importantly, however, the summer also gave birth to the initial idea of forming a band, as well as giving it a name.
The three remaining group members — Ian, Ed, and Chris — were hanging out in Ed’s living room, when someone suggested “Fetal Demise” (it might have been Chris). After guffawing for a few moments, the trio agreed upon the name, and F.d. was born.
And so, with the band now comprising Ian, Ed, and Chris, F.d. took off.
The band constantly wrote songs during its first year in existence. The first album, 101 Ways to Cook a Baby, sold about... zero copies, but the band was quickly becoming an underground (way, way, waaay underground) sensation.
In addition to the album’s release, F.d. gave free performances at a number of select venues in and around New York. The group also headlined a college tour that visited Cornell, Pace, St. John’s, Williams, Iona, and Cooper Union. Plus, the band became the house band at a pair of East Flushing joints that also served as recording studios: Ed’s Basement and Ian’s Root Cellar. Soon after this, the band decided to tweak its moniker and asked its public to refer to the band as “Föetal Demise,” stating, “Hey, umlauts are cool.”
And that was pretty much how it went: Touring, partying, singing, writing, farting, belching, screaming, killing, molesting, ranting, raving, and all the rest.
The band almost had a second album (a concept platter tentatively titled Änimäls) but they lost the lyrics. To make up for the tragedy, the band members wrote other songs, including “What the Fuck Is That?,” “I’m an Abortionist” and “A Night With Grandma’s Dentures.”
Founder and Top Chief Dickhead
Purple Puke Music
But this piece is certainly a manifesto for the ages, eh? Indeed. This here story has gone through so many editorial changes, you would have thought J.D. Salinger was somehow involved (relax, he wasn’t).
Still, it’s an interesting account of the genesis of F.d. and, by extension, Purple Puke Music.