The PPM FAQ

Everything — yes, everything! — you’ve always wanted to know about Purple Puke Music but were too busying surfing for porn to ask.

Compiled here are the most popular and most frequently asked questions that both staffers and artists have received — or, more accurately, been accosted with — while propped up at the bar, interviewed on Swedish cable-access, or when someone dials a wrong number.

Where did you get the idea of eating babies?
Simple. When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, the company used the same packaging as in the United States — the cute baby on the label. Later, when investigating lower-than-expected sales figures, Gerber found out that it is common practice in Africa to put pictures of the contents on food package labels.

Is it true that Ian and Chris are...? Y’know.
This is probably the most asked query we get here at PPM Central. Let’s put it this way — the Buggery boys are close. So close in fact, that they’re actually cousins-in-law. Thusly, draw your own perverted conclusions.

Did Chris really run from, like, York and 86th Street all the way downtown to NYU?
Ha, I guess you’ve heard this tale, eh? Well, no, he did not, and he will forever suffer the wrath of those to whom he fibbed about this alleged night of drunken excess.

What are your influences?
For the most part, alcohol. Chris did some “experimenting” in college, and rarely suffers from flashbacks these days. Tobacco has reared its yellow-stained fingers and teeth now and again, but booze has been the primary driving force behind the band.

Oh... You were talking about music? Ha ha! Oops. Um, the answer can be found here.

You’ve got some songs where Ian and/or Chris can be heard saying stuff that I can’t make out. What is he actually saying?
Sounds like you’re talking about the intro to “We Are German Faggots.” Or perhaps “Hootenanny.” Well, if you’re hearing these things, you might be either (a) in possession of an illegal recording or (b) hearing things. If it’s the latter, you might want to have that looked at.

I think you guys suck.
Hey, thanks! No feedback is bad feedback, as everyone likes to say around the PPM watercooler.

Tell me something about Ed — he’s soooo cute!
We’ll pass this bit of fanmail on to Ed, but we’ve got to be honest with you: Ed is gay. And married, too. And please, don’t get us started about the size of his penis (or lack thereof).

When will you be coming to [insert city name here]?
One necessary element of success that has escaped the filthy, grimy grasp of PPM management is figuring out how to tour. So for the time being, download our songs, send us some e-mail, and never, ever give up hope. But if you’re willing to give us free food and beer, we would gladly play your living room.

Where do you guys live?
In a state of confusion.

God, what a horrible fucking joke.

Is there anything special about [insert song title here]?
As a matter of fact, yes, there is. But if we told you, it wouldn’t be special anymore, now would it?

Where the hell did you get the name “Abattoir Buggery”? Are you guys on crack?
“Abattoir” and “buggery” happened to be two words with which we were fascinated at the time of the band’s congealing. And no, but our wives are.

You guys are just a lame ripoff of [insert band name here]. Why don’t you just kill yourselves?
Hey, imitation is the highest form of flattery, right? Most importantly (and here, we would refer you to the title of the first official Föetal Demise release): We suck.

Do you have a policy on flash photos of the band?
We’re not opposed, as long as we’ve not had too much to drink yet. To be safe, only take flash photos of us when we’re wearing our special safety goggles.

What is a handicapped toilet?
Many have pondered this question, alongside such puzzlements as “Why is the sky blue?” and “Who ate all the freakin’ peanut butter?!” A handicapped toilet goes beyond a simple repository for waste, transcending the simple need for relief. It welcomes, it beckons, it says, “Come, and I shall assist you.” The stall is larger than the average toilet stall, leaving space to stretch out, lie down, or perhaps install an entertainment center. The toilet itself is surrounded by bars to ease into the sometimes difficult sitting down/getting up process. Plus, it is much higher than the typical bowl, truly giving one the feeling of sitting upon a throne (and surveying one’s “domain” of all that empty space in the stall). Truly an experience of “sitting on top of the throne...” [Editor’s note: Obscure F.d. song reference. Pay no mind to it.] That, my friend, is a handicapped toilet.